Politics

Of course Boris Johnson has cocked up your vacation. What made you think he would do anything else? – Fleet Street Fox

The stupidity is baffling.

From Portugese villas, journey bloggers inform journalists how aggravated they’re about having to spend a WHOLE afternoon rearranging flights. From center-class properties, retirees seem on tv to worry about whether or not their conventional summer season break to the Med is on or off.

And allow us to not overlook the celebrities who’ve Instagrammed their sudden sprint to the solar in a spread of high-priced bikinis, and are much less constructive concerning the advertising alternatives of their upcoming quarantine.

All of those persons are of their predicament as a result of they believed a authorities that’s completely full of the kind of people that give the clown group a nasty identify.

Pennywise, in spite of everything, did no less than have a plan.



He frightened folks, *then* killed them

A clown that kills folks units about it thus: find folks, frighten them foolish, kill, repeat. A authorities that kills often does so by way of blunder, bluster, and finances cuts.

But right here we’ve got a authorities that blundered, spent extra, killed tons, and *then* frightened folks foolish, whereas concurrently convincing massive numbers they may faux the pandemic was over, by going to international locations with worse vaccination charges, variants, and well being techniques.

And it isn’t like this was the primary time. They instructed us to go on vacation, then instructed us, mid-vacation, to not, final summer season as nicely. If you bear in mind, that joke was so good even a authorities minister fell for it.



Grant Shapps returns home after being caught out over covid travel bans
Oh, how we laughed at how little he knew

It is tough to know when the set-up for this summer season’s prank started. Was it in February 2020, when Boris Johnson was inspired to jot down a guide to fund his divorce fairly than be allowed into COBRA conferences to recommend the Chief Medical Officer inject him with a lethal virus reside on TV?

Was it at Christmas, which he declared on, then off, then if-you-must, and promised that two jabs of vaccine had been equal to a go well with of armour worn contained in the pores and skin?

Or was it this January, when 66m folks had been instructed to remain indoors for five months, whereas 1.5million folks trotted via border management right into a check and hint system that’s burning £50 notes simply to make the nation odor wealthy, and quarantine legal guidelines which can be so underneath-funded solely a millionaire can afford to obey them?

Who is aware of, for the origin of jokes is commonly buried in cultural norms, puns, and piss-takes, and this PM is so good at perverting all three that when the historical past of his administration is written it will be known as The Bumper Book of Fun: Gaffes As Government Policy.

Either means, he stirred the pot of the virus, threw in some wild components, and gave the ensuing new variants a headstart earlier than saying it was a race with a vaccine which was barely out-of-date.

He may as nicely have tied his personal toes collectively, put a sack on his head, and chewed cleaning soap, earlier than saying he’d be trying brain surgical procedure with a spoon.


Video Loading

Video Unavailable

The custard pies simply hold coming. Ho, ho, we’ve got a world-beating check and hint system! SPLAT. That’ll be £37bn, please.

Tee hee, let’s shut colleges, open them for a day, shut them once more, vow to go away no kids behind then spend a tenth of what is wanted to do lower than we promised! SPLOP. They can cease carrying masks, too, oh look they’re essentially the most-contaminated demographic in Britain.

What larks! Not locking down quickly sufficient, locking down for longer, whining about how damaging lockdowns are, then doing no matter is critical to make them worse. Then doing all of it once more! And once more! Nothing funnier than a joke you’ve heard 3 times already, is there.

All within the identify of defending the NHS, of course, which makes hundreds of thousands extra resentful about the one group of individuals doing anything to save lots of them from all this. And which neatly ignores the truth that the NHS is at risk of collapse solely as a result of these clowns spent so a few years training the kind of malicious monetary slicing that, in a wedding, would be thought-about torture.

And let’s not overlook the meta-joke right here: the concept that a lethal, worldwide illness will be executed away with in little over a year.

Plague was with us for six centuries, and three pandemics; smallpox hung round for 2 millennia; even with each fashionable trick up our sleeves, AIDS took 30 years to be successfully treatable. Back to regular in 18 months? You makes oi larf.



Britain's Health Secretary, Matt Hancock gives an update on the coronavirus Covid-19 pandemic during a virtual press conference inside the Downing Street Briefing Room on May 27, 2021
Matt Hancock – absolute prankster

And so right here we’re, watching a 5-ring circus during which clowns who hold falling flat on their face inform the viewers to go on vacation, then to not, whereas firing freshly-combined virus out of Nerf weapons, and braying concerning the harm brought on by the lockdowns we’d like due to them.

And if you think that is all their fault, you’re unsuitable; you purchased the ticket for this present. And you knew, when you did, it was led by a showman who had made a multitude of journalism, two marriages, a number of households, insulted all of Liverpool, embarrassed London, wasted hundreds of thousands on issues that had been by no means constructed, and has no talent within the factor he does most frequently, which is mendacity.

You knew he carried with him inexperienced wingnuts, hardliner headbangers, fanciful fruitloops, and the kind of those who, in regular circumstances, you would cross the street to keep away from.

But he wasn’t the opposite man, who was a lot the identical however much less of fun. He supplied you Brexit, which has to this point been precisely what he stated it would not. And he is entertaining, in the identical means as Just William on a spice-fuelled axe rampage.

You can hardly be stunned that this authorities retains updating the virus, whereas hundreds of thousands of us nonetheless await vaccine 1.0, that your vacation was ruined, and the ferret has been reversed so many occasions it is foaming on the mouth and chewing its personal tail.

But there are a few issues that may shock you.

Firstly, in all of this you are extremely lucky. Lucky sufficient to weblog for a residing, or retire on a pension that may afford holidays, and that the worst factor in your quick future is the prospect of 10 days at house and a few paperwork.


Video Loading

Video Unavailable

And secondly, you reside in a rustic the place most individuals are extra wise than you. Three quarters of them need to carry on carrying masks, 4-fifths need extra quarantine, and half of them do not need to ease the restrictions which Johnson insists he needs to raise regardless of them.

And 75% haven’t any intention of holidaying overseas – making the nation, and the NHS, safer for prats like you.

With so many individuals considering the most effective course of motion is the other of the one he suggests, it is no shock that prankster Johnson has shunted the vital critiques of his japes till after he’s offered you tickets for the following present.

And it will likewise be no shock that you’ll chew his arm off, on the premise the opposite man is not as a lot enjoyable.

Back to top button