‘My sister-in-law’s dementia care is too much for my brother’

Dear Richard, 

My sister-in-law (who has lately been identified with dementia) is nonetheless residing at dwelling with my brother.

At the second, he receives six hours of respite care for her every week. This is clearly not sufficient as he is in his 80s however he reckons he can take care of all the pieces. He depends on his daughter to go to as soon as every week to type out any points, though she’s an hour and a half’s drive away and has two daughters to take care of, considered one of whom is in a wheelchair.

Money is not a problem – although my brother is very reluctant to half with it and will get very irritable when the prospect of arranging extra care is mentioned. But I don’t really feel my sister-in-law is getting the care and a focus she clearly wants.

What do you counsel?

– Concerned, by way of electronic mail

Dear Concerned, 

The key to this is your niece. Without her, your aged brother can be in actual hassle. And she is clearly making enormous sacrifices to assist them out, particularly contemplating she has two daughters to take care of. That three-hour spherical journey each week, plus all of the caring as soon as she arrives and earlier than she has to depart once more, have to be a serious burden on her.

So my recommendation is this. Speak to her after which make a mixed method to your brother. A pincer motion, should you like. Your niece can clarify that her present stage of assist can’t be sustained indefinitely, and meaning organising and paying for additional assist. If money actually isn’t the difficulty, there’s no ethical or monetary issue concerned in nudging your brother into arranging extra skilled care for his spouse.

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