‘My partner has been supporting a widowed friend, but I’m convinced they’re having an affair’

Dear Richard,

I’m a widow of 15 years. For 12 years I’ve been in a beautiful relationship; we have now lived collectively for 5 years. Just over a year in the past a pal of ours lost her husband. My partner was sort and supportive, serving to out with sensible issues, which may be very a lot his nature. But he’s been spending numerous time together with her.

He has a set of keys for her home; they name and message one another loads. I haven’t seen any concrete proof there’s something intimate between them, however I’ve began to really feel suspicious.

I requested him about his relationship with our pal and he admitted to having held her in his arms to consolation her, however stated that was so far as it went – and he was indignant that I ought to suppose him able to dishonest on me, to not point out making the most of a grieving widow.

But I nonetheless really feel suspicious – after which I really feel like a horrid particular person for being suspicious. It’s build up inside me: what ought to I do?

– Nancy, through e-mail

Dear Nancy,

Well, one factor is for certain: this suspicion isn’t going to go away by itself. It could be misplaced, however your instincts are telling you in any other case.

Apart from the easy logistical components right here – the spare keys, frequent messaging, visits and hugs – are you choosing up on subtler indicators? Does your partner appear in any method altered simply earlier than certainly one of these visits, or instantly afterwards?

Are you allowed to see messages to and from this lady on his telephone, or are they saved from you? What is his tone of voice throughout telephone calls with this lady? What does he say to her? Or are you saved out of earshot?

Your partner is entitled to the presumption of innocence till confirmed in any other case, however I feel it’s completely cheap for you to ask for a a lot fuller dialog with him about this than you may have had thus far. Don’t accuse him of something; simply lay your worries earlier than him as calmly as you’ll be able to.

It is likely to be price asking whether or not you’ll be able to accompany him on certainly one of these “friendly” visits. His response might show attention-grabbing. If he cares about genuinely reassuring you, he’ll agree. If he has one thing to cover, he’ll wriggle.

I do hope your considerations show unfounded and that your partner is simply behaving in a beneficiant and kindly method. But you want your  thoughts correctly placing at relaxation and there’s no disgrace at all in searching for that. Good luck.

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