‘My girlfriend has taken to ‘rewarding’ me for gifts with intercourse’

Dear Richard

We have been collectively a few years and had been locked down collectively after simply a few months of cohabitation. It’s mainly an awesome relationship – I actually like her bodily and love her company, and we chuckle loads.

Since the retailers opened once more a wierd factor, by no means unwelcome in itself, has occurred a few occasions. I’ve come again with somewhat current for her, a T-shirt I assumed she’d like, or one thing good to eat, and he or she’s initiated intercourse quickly afterwards, saying one thing giggly about wanting to thank me.

I realise I shouldn’t complain, however it struck a bitter, transactional word with me – we’re practically the identical age and earn about the identical, and I assumed we had intercourse as and once we each needed to (which was fairly typically however has tapered off a bit in current months).

Should I depend my blessings and maintain the gifts coming, or talk about it with her?

–Anton, London E9

Dear Anton

As I wrote right here solely not too long ago, I’m no intercourse therapist or counsellor, so there’s a restrict to what I really feel certified to advise on the topic. Having stated that, I actually don’t assume the scenario you describe is especially sophisticated, and it’s actually nothing to fear about.

Look. Lots of individuals, nonetheless a lot they get pleasure from intercourse when it truly occurs, want somewhat excuse to get began. A small nod of permission, if you’ll. I believe that’s all that’s occurring right here. Your girlfriend could really feel a bit self-conscious about asking you for intercourse usually (even often!), so she does so below the useful carapace of a “thank you” if you’ve introduced her a present.

To be sincere, I’m in two minds about whether or not it’s best to talk about this with her in any respect. I do know we’re all inspired to be open and frank with our companions, however generally discretion generally is a wiser possibility.

If you elevate the topic of her “special” thank-yous, you danger embarrassing her – and placing the kybosh on the non-public psychological trick that enables her to provoke intercourse – which most likely means you’ll each find yourself having relatively much less of it. If I had been you, Anton, I’d let it lie.

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