‘I’ve been seeing a great man for a while so why won’t he tell his children?’ – Coleen Nolan

Dear Coleen

I’m a lady in my late 50s and I’ve been seeing a great man for about 18 months. I’m divorced and he’s widowed, and we met by probability at a native cafe and began meeting up for walks and meals. Things progressed and we’re now a couple.

We get on so nicely – it’s very simple between us and we snigger a lot, and I’m eager to maneuver issues alongside. However, he nonetheless hasn’t instructed his grown-up ­youngsters about our relationship.

His two daughters know we’re associates and I’ve met each of them briefly on a couple of events.

But they don’t know we’re in a romantic relationship.

I perceive it’s a delicate space, as their mom died 5 years in the past, however I do really feel we’ve been collectively lengthy sufficient now for him to say one thing.

I don’t need to stress him and spoil all the things, however on the similar time I hate us being a secret and need to dwell my life overtly.

I’ve one grown-up son, who I’ve instructed, and he’s very joyful for me.

I’ve additionally instructed my ex-husband and a few of my shut associates, who all assume it’s great.

What do you assume I ought to do?

‘His two daughters know we’re associates and I’ve met each of them briefly on a couple of events’

Coleen says

He’s clearly anxious about upsetting his daughters, however they could have already guessed one thing extra is occurring between you and really feel it’s as much as him to convey it up.

So he may simply be overthinking it and stressing unnecessarily. He’s assuming they’ll react badly and be upset there’s a new lady in his life – however they could truly be happy he has a associate and a companion, particularly in these occasions.

I think about they have to fear about him being on his personal.

I don’t assume it’s a must to stress him, however you would say you’re so joyful and wish to transfer issues on, and counsel discussing one of the best ways to tell his daughters – if that’s what’s actually stopping him from being open about your relationship.

If he retains stalling, then I suppose it’s a must to ask him how dedicated he is. At the second, once we can’t meet up socially, it’s in all probability not an excessive amount of of a problem . But when issues do get again to regular, presumably you’ll need to be a part of one another’s lives socially and attend household gatherings.

But you shouldn’t be anxious about bringing this up – you’re in a relationship and your ideas and emotions are as necessary as his.

It’s not good being somebody’s secret and it’d assist to clarify to him how that makes you’re feeling.

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