Mirror agony aunt Coleen Nolan advises a reader who would not need her 17-year-old daughter sleeping with her boyfriend beneath her roof – and worries in regards to the instance she would set for her youthful siblings
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Dear Coleen, My daughter is 17, and subsequent month she turns 18. She retains asking me if her boyfriend can keep over.
They’ve been collectively for just below a year and he’s a very nice lad.
But we’re fearful that she’s too young to be having a sexual relationship, and that it’ll set a nasty instance to her youthful brother and sister who’re 14 and 10.
His dad and mom, who’re pretty and who we’ve identified for years, are way more relaxed and let her keep spherical at their place.
So she’s all the time staying at their home now and we infrequently see her.
My husband is adamant she’s too young to be sleeping with her boyfriend in our home.
What do you suppose?
To be trustworthy, I disagree with you and your husband. For a begin, she’s not too young for a sexual relationship.
She’s 17, almost 18, which is over the age of consent. Secondly, her boyfriend is a pleasant lad and you understand his dad and mom.
It could be totally different if she was bringing totally different boys house, or if she’d been going out with anyone for a number of weeks and needed him to keep spherical.
What would you inform this reader to do? Join the dialogue within the remark part
But it seems like she’s in a pleasant, mature relationship.
As for setting a nasty instance to her youthful brother and sister, I feel if something she’s setting a great one.
Her siblings will see her in a cheerful, respectful relationship, which isn’t any unhealthy factor in any respect.
I’m an enormous believer in respecting your kids’s relationships.
Some individuals say to me, “Oh I’d never let my daughter’s boyfriend stay round”, however all my grownup kids reside with me, and their companions do too.
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It’s bizarre to consider our children in relationships – I keep in mind the primary time I noticed one among my sons kiss their girlfriend at a celebration, and it was so unusual. Because to me, he was nonetheless 5. But he’s not 5, he’s an grownup, in an grownup relationship. Just like your daughter.
You say your self, she’s all the time at her boyfriend’s dad and mom’ place, which is a disgrace as a result of they may very well be hanging out at your own home if you happen to and your husband obtained over yourselves a bit and began treating them like two young adults in love who want freedom.