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‘I have no sympathy for my unhappy, lonely friend who has children with her married lover’ – Coleen Nolan

Coleen Nolan helps a reader who is getting more and more pissed off with a mate who will not see sense over her half-time companion

Feeling left on the aspect citing his youngsters whereas lover performs completely happy households with his spouse

Dear Coleen,

I have friend who has two younger children from a protracted-time period affair with a married man.

This man is older than her with grown-up children and has by no means had any intention of leaving his marriage to be with my friend. His spouse has no thought in regards to the affair, although it’s been occurring for years.

My friend informed me they’d had an enormous row just lately as a result of she gave him an ultimatum – both depart his spouse or their relationship is over. ­Unsurprisingly, he doesn’t need something to vary, so she’s distraught.

But I’m having hassle discovering any sympathy for my friend. I’ve suggested her many occasions over time to stroll away and provides herself the possibility of a correct relationship with another person, however she gained’t see sense.

I can also’t assist judging her for the horrible selections she’s made and really feel she’s introduced all this mess on herself. Her youngsters are pretty and their dad helps them financially, and sees them as a lot as he can.

But I simply can’t recover from why my friend would need to be with a person who’s this dishonest and boastful, and who’ll by no means give her the life she craves.

Coleen says…

I perceive your frustration however, take a look at it this fashion, you’re fortunate you’ve by no means discovered your self on this state of affairs.

It’s straightforward to evaluate from the place you’re standing. You may assume you already know what you’d do in case you had been in your friend’s footwear – stroll away pronto or not get entangled in any respect – however you don’t have emotions for this man. She’s being led by her coronary heart, not her head, and she or he has two youngsters with him.

You don’t agree with what she’s performed and that’s fantastic, and I’m certain she is aware of it, however it shouldn’t cease you from being pals and being there when she wants a shoulder to cry on.

Maybe you want a transparent the air dialog the place you inform her that you just truthfully don’t know how one can advise her any extra. But don’t make her really feel unhealthy about herself as a result of it seems like she’s in a painful state of affairs, even whether it is of her personal making.

I doubt something you say will persuade her to maneuver on from this man.

She wants to succeed in that call on her personal and, the underside line is, she might by no means get to that time.

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