‘I can’t stop fantasising about other men when I’m having sex with my fiance’ – Coleen Nolan

Dear Coleen

I’ve been with my fiancé for 4 years and we’re planning to purchase a home collectively and get married subsequent year.

However, I’ve been having doubts as a result of I hold fantasising about having sex with other men, even when I’m making like to my fiancé.

At first, I wasn’t too involved about it – everybody enjoys a little bit of fantasy – however I take a look at other guys rather a lot, too, and I’m beginning to fear that my companion isn’t sufficient for me.

On paper he ticks all of the packing containers – good wanting, type, accountable – however I can’t assist feeling there’s one thing lacking that I simply can’t put my finger on.

Other guys I’ve been out with prior to now have been extra dominant in mattress, whereas my fiancé is sort of passive and mild, and perhaps I’m lacking the eagerness. Sex is essential to me and I don’t need to be with somebody I get bored with or who doesn’t flip me on.

But aside from the bodily facet of issues, the connection is nice. I’m fearful about making a problem out of it as a result of I don’t need to upset him. What do you recommend?

Coleen says

Don’t stroll down the aisle with doubts. It’s higher to work this out now otherwise you is likely to be taking a look at a expensive and nerve-racking divorce down the road.

Why not put the marriage on maintain and even take a while out from every other to work out what you need and if you happen to miss every other?

That preliminary sexual thrill you get when you first fall in love does diminish in time and also you do need to nurture the bodily and romantic facet of issues, which requires a little bit of effort.

This is true in each relationship, however speaking about sex doesn’t need to be confrontational or accusatory.

Telling him what turns you on in mattress can really be actually horny and that’s the best way to method it. Look, he’s not a thoughts reader and if you happen to haven’t advised him what you want in mattress, then he’ll assume you’re blissful and happy.

Be cautious about eager to ‘tick boxes’ and ‘looking good on paper’ – a relationship isn’t a spreadsheet. It wants chemistry and that indefinable ‘X factor’ that creates a spark.

Yes, fantasy is okay and wholesome, however you additionally need to be blissful with the true factor or the connection received’t final the space. Good luck.

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