Help! I’m a golf widow and it’s ruining our family life

Scrolling by way of our shared calendar, I did a double take. A majority of the weekends between now and September are earmarked for golf: video games, competitions and whole-day occasions.

I’ve – so far – at all times laughed off the concept of being a golf widow. But I feel this would possibly now be my actuality – and it’s an identification I didn’t ask for. Sure, it’s nice that my husband has a pastime he enjoys. It helps him keep match and will get him exterior – it’s not like he’s downing pints within the pub each night time. But it’s laborious to consider one other pastime that passes a lot time – and it’s inconceivable to disregard the affect on our family life.

I sleepwalked into this, lulled into my widowhood with the imprecise promise that he’d play as soon as a week, possibly taking one in every of our kids to study caddying or the niceties of golf-course etiquette. It sounded healthful – one thing the kids may benefit from. Fast-forward a few months and having any of the children with him is now a complete no-go due to the laser-sharp focus apparently required to maintain his recreation as much as scratch.

Helpfully, no advance timings are given for competitors occasions – it may very well be any level between 7am or midday when he truly tees off; then he’ll want a few extra hours to get around the course. And, for sure, a couple extra for a autopsy within the membership home. The upshot of that is that the kids and I are sometimes left hanging round at dwelling, watching the clock, whereas he meanders around the golf course at his leisure.

I’ve dared to recommend on a couple of events that maybe the larger and extra demanding competitions – particularly ones that take up complete weekends – may go on the backburner for a whereas, not less than for a few years, till our youngsters are at secondary college and much less eager on weekends spent with their dad and mom. To be completely trustworthy, I’d desire it if golf competitions waited a couple of a long time, till he’s retired and has time to spare. But I do know this can by no means occur. In the meantime, each time I see the phrase “golf” on the calendar I face a selection: one other futile spherical of debate about his dedication to golf versus family life, or a resigned, more and more resentful silence.

Sometimes, an unscheduled downpour or extreme winds shut the golf course and instantly family life might be reinstated, albeit with the grudging participation of my husband, phoning in his dad duties whereas he sullenly laments a missed alternative to hone his swing, trim his handicap, conquer his yips or no matter it’s he does. At moments like this, I’ve to do my finest to cover my glee.

After 18 holes my husband is (maybe understandably) usually drained out, needing a bathe and possibly a nap – that eats into but extra of our time. Already, so many journeys to the seashore or a picnic at a National Trust location have both been cancelled or squeezed into insufficient time slots, all because of golf.

I feel I’d care much less if this was a wintry behavior, or if he made probably the most of longer weekdays, taking part in the odd spherical earlier than or after work. But the prospect of getting to make our family’s summer season match round infinite {golfing} commitments has bought me feeling distinctly sub-par.

Read extra: I ran into an outdated flame at a marriage ceremony – why am I nonetheless so hung up on him?

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